For those of you that find the pleasure in complaining about poverty, UPDF Commander of Land Forces Lt. Gen. Peter Elwelu said that you will be arrested if you keep it up instead of getting involved in government-aided poverty alleviation programs.
As Gen Elwelu is preparing to arrest everyone that complains about the lack of butter on their bread, here are 10 groups of people we feel should be arrested, in no particular order of course.
People who walk slowly in front of us
You know how you can be running late and trying to run your way through town like you have a running stomach and then you get obstructed by someone walking like they are in their compound?
Walk like you have a purpose or you will be walking in prison.
Safeboda riders who don’t have the Shs500 change
SafeBoda riders almost never have the Shs500 coin after those rides where we need it as change. All they keep saying is “Boss, what are we going to do now?” as they look around like they have a solution, only to pray we leave the change with them.
Dear SafeBoda, we have complained and we are tired. Now that we are not allowed to complain anymore, we will just leave the matter to the generals to arrest you. That Shs500 shillings is so important and we need it. Tell your riders to stock coins lest they be stocked in prison.
Relatives who ask us for CVs to recommend us somewhere for jobs
Job searching is hard. It makes you talk to people you do not want to talk to and smile to those you would rather not look at. There are those rich connected relatives that tell us to send them our CVs and academic documents so that they can recommend us somewhere for a job.
They fill us with hope and but it soon runs out as we wait for the recommendation in vain. Dear relatives, we love you, really, but you should serve some time for giving us false hope.
Police officers that still arrest people for idle and disorderly
Last year, President Museveni gave a directive to all security units especially the Police to stop arresting people under the guise of being ‘idle and disorderly.’ Unfortunately, the directive has not been fully implemented and some people are still being arrested in that way.
Imagine leaving work late in the night, you had a bad day at office, you do not have that extra Shs1000 for a boda boda to your house and decide to walk home, only to be stopped by some hungry Police officers wanting ‘kitu kidogo’ from you in order to let you go, or spend the night in a cell.
Please arrest those officers for defying the President’s directive, and for adding more misery to our already existing misery.
Umeme
Today alone, I have had to write this story in three sessions because Umeme officials kept on playing with the switch of the line to office. I almost gave up but work has to be done in order to be paid.
We don’t know how much we can stress this but it is wrong to have power disconnected just because of a few drops of rain. Those are third world problems and last time we checked, we are headed for middle-income status.
Arrest the whole of Umeme team and take them to Luzira so they stop playing with the on/off switch.
Telecom companies that steal our data
First of all, Uganda is one of the countries that pay the highest price on data. It would make a lot of sense if we got its full worth but telecom companies are trying so hard to not let us shine. You buy 1GB of data and it gets done before you finish watching a YouTube video explaining “Why burning the vegetation is better than spraying the locusts.”
Before people that came up with that idea are arrested, let us first arrest the staff of these telecom companies. We do not even know if your 100MB data will be enough for you to finish reading this story.
Social media bullies
When we published the story of Gen Elwelu advocating for the arrest of people who complain about poverty, some people replied with insults on social media. They do that on a daily, to a lot of people. Dr Stella Nyanzi was arrested because of alleged cyber harassment but we think there are so many others that need to be arrested too.
Take them to Luzira where there is no access to smartphones and internet for a while, they will come out as changed people, and the internet will be a harmonious place for us all.
Landlords
At the beginning of this month, my landlord called me at 5:45a.m. to remind me to pay him. Okay I wake up at 6a.m. but still that was a no no. There are those landlords that hit on their female tenants and when they say no, they harass them by increasing their rent, not fixing broken things like the roof among others. Other landlords raise rent every other month like no man’s business!
Such landlords should be arrested so we can sleep peacefully, and get some fresh air.
Banks
Technology has made it possible to bank from anywhere but there are times when you have to walk in a banking hall for some services. It is agonising to walk into a bank with 10 tellers that have only two counters open. Of those two, one is slower than a snail and the other has an uncouth attitude.
We need to have these people arrested and taught to do what they are supposed to do.
Ladies who are given transport to visit and they disappear
Ladies, please understand that that is hard-earned money your boyfriends send you. If you are not going to visit them do not ask for it. If you ask for it and do not show up, you should either refund it or be arrested. There is no in between.