How many women say the following about their men? “He does not talk to me about his feelings or even his plans.”
“He talks to everybody except me.”
“He switches off and just acts as though I do not exist.”
How many suffer this silent treatment from the men in their lives? It is estimated that up to 70 percent of all relationships are affected. And the problem is worse among married couples.
Very many women have certainly been in this space. Part of the problem for this lack of communication lies in the different conversation styles of men and women. At the beginning of the relationship, the man will talk more in a bid to impress and win over the woman. Then after he has won her over, conversation tapers off.
Women, on the other hand, find it difficult to really talk at the beginning and only talk when they are comfortable with a man.
A woman will want to thoroughly discuss a problem to try and resolve it, more likely trying to iron out all the differences by discussing them. A might not be ready for this, especially if he sees no solution or if he feels there is nothing he can do to resolve the issue. And he simply will not explain.
This gets the woman mad, and she might insist on getting instant answers at which point the man will accuse her of nagging, and the differences will just multiply.
Despite their differing points of view, husbands and wives can sort out their communication difficulties. Try the following strategies to get our husband to open up.
Pick the right moment
It is important to start a conversation at the right time. You might be dying to start a conversation immediately after work but your husband might want to relax first and talk later. For men, conversation works because they use it to impress and relay factual information. At home, he may want to relax and not necessarily talk.
Let him make the move
His silence may make you frustrated and angry and make you repeat yourself, and he will say you are nagging. To avoid this, don’t fill in the silence when he doesn’t respond. Instead, look at him calmly and count silently so you don’t grow uneasy. Then if he does not reply, help him by saying something like “Can you tell me why you find it difficult to tell me what you are thinking?”.
If he does not answer, let the matter rest. However, let him know you would like to discuss the matter the following day so that he knows you expect an answer.
Watch your non-verbal cues
Do not talk to him while flipping through a magazine. To promote conversation, keep your arms uncrossed, your expression neutral and your body relaxed. Talk in a pleasant tone of voice.
Ask specific questions
Instead of asking, “How was your work today?” to which he might answer, “fine”, ask something like, “How did the sales meeting go?”
Share interests
If you focus all your attention on the children and work, you will have little to talk about. Share other interests.
Listen carefully
Pay attention while your husband is talking. Don’t think about your response or let your mind wander. Practice active listening. While he talks do not disagree or contribute information.
Fight fair
In most arguments, the wife does all the talking and complaining, while the husband disassociates himself. He may in the end leave the room, banging the door. Nothing is accomplished and they will still be having the same argument many months later.
Go for help
If you try all this and still have a problem, consider marriage counseling. Therapy can help with serious issues that may be leading to silent treatment, such as alcoholism, sexual dysfunction, or a traumatic childhood.