Just like everything else that’s worth it, falling in love and nurturing a relationship is hard work. A lot of couples enter new relationships, fresh and gassed. Reigniting the spark in a relationship isn’t easy. Having a mediocre relationship is very easy. Just slip into your routine and let life pass you by. However, just like any other task, the energy wanes along the way because well, we are simply human.
February, the month of love, is however a reminder for us all to reinvest and refurbish our efforts in our love lives. In this edition, the unfailing Republic Senga brings you 7 tips on how to ignite the spark in your relationship, if for anything, the month of love.
Be Aware of the Spark in Your Relationship
A little awareness goes a long way. Before you fix a problem, you must first recognize that there is one. When we are disconnected and dissatisfied in our relationship, realizing that something needs to change can be difficult.
Here are two ways that will help you recognize that it’s time to learn how to reignite the spark in a relationship:
Ask yourself, “How am I?” or “How is my relationship?” and if the answer is “fine” or “good,” that’s good, but why isn’t your answer “great” or “amazing?” Can something be improved?
Wouldn’t you like to feel better than “fine?”
Working on Yourself
Most single people have the perspective: “I need to work on myself right now before I can get into a committed relationship.”
I said this a lot when I was single too. We are so aware of this principle when we are single, but then treat our new chapter of marriage as the end of our story.
News Flash! Marriages, or even relationships, do not solve your problems or magically make you a better person, nor do they cause problems or make you a worse person.
Marriage may change your roles and responsibilities, but it does not change who you are.
Nothing can change you except you.
Know Each Other’s Love Language
We often think we are really good at showing our partners we love them, but often we are loving them in our ways and not theirs. If you haven’t already, read the 5 Love Languages and take the love language test to find out how you like to give and receive love.
My number one love language is physical touch.
A simple handhold, while we are driving in the car, says more than just “I love you,” it tells me “I’m here for you, I care about you, I appreciate you, and I want you here with me.”
Be Grateful and Express Your Gratitude
This is the most important step to keeping the spark in a relationship.
Some parts of life just aren’t pretty, and that’s okay. You can come home to that same old pile of unfolded laundry on your bed and your son throwing a tantrum because he doesn’t want to eat his vegetables and still have a great life.
Instead of wishing for the perfect life or perfect partner, remember that you are not perfect either. So, stop expecting your partner to make life perfect for you. You are only human.
Before you blow up about how they “never” help out around the house, think about the things they do, do.
Stop keeping score and start being grateful.
Make Reuniting Special
This one is simple but impactful.
When you see each other again, make sure your partner knows you are happy to have them with you again.
These moments happen every day and it is easy to let them slip by. You get home and immediately attend to homework, your phone, or the TV without acknowledging that you are in each other’s presence again.
As I said in my last post, spending time apart is healthy, but it is important to show your partner they are your first priority by checking in with them when you reunite.
You can jump into each other’s arms and twirl around or simply say, “Hey you’re back! I missed you.”
Either works, because what matters here is that you acknowledge and express your happiness to be with each other again.
Try Something New
The number one cause of boredom and dissatisfaction is mindless routine. Falling into a routine makes us feel safe, but then we stop paying attention to the opportunities around us that are waiting to take us by the hand and open our eyes.
So, try something you haven’t before, or do something you haven’t done in a long time.
Go on a walk, take a nap, make dinner, or take a class together. A gorgeous getaway on a tropical island would be nice too, but it’s not something you can do every day. Find happiness here and now.
Dream Big Together
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work gives us a great exercise to find and make shared goals. Just write down your goals separately, then come together and see where they align. These can be deep and personal, but they can also be fun and exciting. Don’t be afraid to dream big. Now make a bucket list!