When I had my current last born, I was very excited because it had been years since my other children but most of all, I was very happy that my older children would help me out with care taking roles. I imagined that they would sing and read Jasmine bedtime stories as I did chores around the house. I was sure they would carry and play with her at any given time. I kept saying to myself that these two won’t even want to watch television anymore because their eyes, ears and general concentration would be focused on this ka cute tiny being.
The first week out of hospital was a very peaceful one because their grandmother kept telling them that me and baby were very tired and needed plenty of rest. The few times they came to my room, it always was with lots of questions to ask. “Mummy can baby breathe? The nose is so tiny”, “Mummy won’t you accidentally sleep on the baby?” I answered appropriately because I did not want them to end up being afraid of her. I also made it clear that baby needs lots and lots of love. The first six months passed by in a split second because we all got used to her sleep routine and took turns tending to her. The growing up happened. But when they realised that food and me time were forever going to be shared, it did not go down very well.
That was because the choice of cartoons, games and so much more started affecting their relationship. I immediately switched from watching a family love story to a horror. They often fought with each other, complained about the little motherly gestures I did for the baby, compared every item I bought for each one of them. Peace was out the door and my home had welcomed anger, selfishness, fights, jealousy and so much more.
I decided to take it to prayer because it’s every parents wish to see all their children get along, even if it takes lots of patience and effort from the parents side for this to happen. It has been three years now but we are still building the sibling relationship. I guess I could use this as an excuse for taking my time before I can have baby next.
So then I decided to steer them toward games and projects that play to all sibling’s strengths. If one of your kids finds it hard to sit still, suggest building a fort outside instead of a Lego castle inside. You can also find more activities that are best accomplished by twosomes: baking cookies for example. See if you can get them to take pictures of each other goofing around that you can print out and make a calendar. With each month carries a different memory according to the photo.
Also, sometimes too much time together promotes fights. When siblings get a break from each other, and can spend time alone or with friends/cousins, they appreciate each other more once reunited. Plus, time spent doing their own activities also gives competitive kids a way to explore/experiment without measuring themselves against their siblings.
We also have monthly pizza and movie nights. These have been such a great boost to their bonding and as the days pass by and they get older, I appreciate how these tricks have helped to keep the unity—and these could work for you too, at least until baby next comes along and boom! It’s World War 3.