I was asked the other day why I still needed to celebrate Women’s Day yet I’m a woman putting on men’s shoes. Thing is, I’m a single mother who didn’t reach this predicament by choice. However, the predicament that has led me to lead the next generation single handedly doesn’t only reserve me a seat among women, it also reserves me a seat among men. If there’s a woman who needs this Women’s Day more, it’s me, a single. Why? I thought you would never ask.
I deal with crazy emotions all the time. I have to deal with societal stigma, yes society still sees me as failure. I second guess my decision of being a single mom and to some extreme extent I even second guess why I gave birth in the first place. This constantly leads me into depression and isolation but every day, I survive.
Survival is not as easy though. Every time you come across a woman working two or three jobs at the same time, you can automatically tell that it’s me, a single mother. My kids see me as a superwoman however, what they can’t tell is how many things they lack, because even while I’m a superwoman, I still can’t make ends meet.
The constant guilty trip
What could I have done to avoid this predicament? So many things I can’t give my kids just because I’m a woman, like the other day, my boy asked me if I could fix his radio, before I even tried to he said,” Forget it, Roni’s dad will do it.”
The fear of whether and how I’m going to make it and how my kids are going to pay for it, is enough to make a grown woman cry….yet the sun comes up and goes down and somehow, I always make it. EVERY DAY
Well, because I’m a single mom doesn’t mean I stop being human. Fatigue becomes a daily condition to such a point that I don’t even notice it anymore- I have become immune to fatigue even when sometimes I wake up in the hospital bed and doctors say I’m suffering from stress related illnesses.
Single motherhood doesn’t mean that I stop being a red-blooded female either. I yearn for communication that doesn’t involve homework, brushing teeth, zoo trips, radios or toy cars. I want an adult with whom I can stay up late in the night cuddling and drinking wine.
Dealing with irresponsible father of my child who only shows up just to remind me of my inadequacy. There’s no escaping him yet we have a bond.
Happy Women’s Day all you single mothers who share my experience.
As narrated by a single mother.