Mango people have been fuming from social media to their lavatories calling Stanbic Bank all sorts of names and threatening to close down their accounts. It is all because of a suited zoo species passing for a human who also happens to have been made a minister in this government that came from the jungle and tries so much to recognise animal by-products that would otherwise be kept locked in zoos if we had a better alternative in leadership.
Yes, I was talking about this by-product called Ronald Kibuule, apparently a minister, who walked into Stanbic Bank, Mukono Branch, where he is treated like majority shareholder. While accessing the facility, an askari would have none of his kamanyiro when he demanded to bypass the metal detector. The woman askari, with the mettle of a Musoga eating potatoes, said no. She stuck to it.
Whack! Whack! Whack! Came the cheap response from the minister, who then completed the ignominy with a call to Police and ordering them to arrest the hapless woman askari. The hapless thing ended up in hospital after passing out from Kibuule’s alleged animalism.
Not to be undone by the majority shareholder, Stanbic Bank quickly issued an apology to the minister and asked the poor woman’s employer to look into her conduct. Well, the minister claims the woman askari had insisted on frisking him, which he found uncouth considering there was a male askari too.
Here is an animal who mates multiple partners—yes, like a true animal—but claiming he could not allow another woman touch him. Since when did ‘ssegwanga’ (cocks) start playing shy with ovulating hens? I mean, unless you have only one ball the size of Donald Trump’s fist, there is no reason you should fear a woman’s tender touch on your body—especially when you are a renowned polygamist like Kibuule.
Anyway, things happened and the bank has apologised. The victim is to blame, the bank says. The weight of one account is all that matters. So now Mango People want to close their accounts and move on in protest to the antics of this South African firm.
Well, I am not going to join this bandwagon. If anything, I should reactivate the account that has been hibernating for years now and resume regular visit to Stanbic banking halls. It’s like I would be walking in there and if the tellers mess up my mood of the day—which I will always tailor-make for Stanbic—I storm the manager’s office and unleash a couple of whack-whack. For added effect, I release a fetid one to ensure that if I slapped the lips, it is the nostrils that get the worst torture.
These ungrateful ingrates called Stanbic Bank, in another presser issued later in response to public outcry on how it has handled the situation, said a lot of nothing short of rubbing it in the wound. Here is a woman askari who took her job seriously at the risk of her life. She placed her life on the line to do her duty with honour, thereby ensuring the security of the bank and its employees and clients.
But this ungrateful bank concludes that the victim is not their employee and thus not entitled to even pretentious apology. What message then is the Stanbic sending to other clients who might have been weaned on baboon milk and decides to behave like one in the city?
The customer is the boss, they say. So while Stanbic was within its right to consider Kibuule’s animal behaviour part of a customer’s rights in their premises, there are many Ugandans out there who might do the same and insist they are the customers: boss. I am going to do some spitting in their lobbies and demand an apology from their chief executive.
-jeyseaman@gmail.com
