Photos of Stella Nyanzi flooded many social media forums when she engaged her daughter into sex talk accompanied by illustrations of how to use a condom. As a mother of soon to be teenagers, sex is definitely a major topic on our discussion list.
I am no expert in this but I also know that this is a delicate topic that MUST be handled with utmost care. One misunderstood message can lead to consequences that could be carried on for a lifetime. For starters, I don’t think sex should be discussed as whole; for instance you cannot say that you will get a day and exhaust everything your child should know. It does not matter if you go weeks or months as long as the message is being understood and by the right age group.
What is perfect information for a primary seven girl maybe irrelevant for someone closer to university. When we talk about sex, most parents are afraid that it’s perverting children’s minds. Maybe it’s because they assume that it’s a discussion of how a man engages a woman in the act. Sex should be much wider than that; it involves puberty, adolescence, sexual abuse, bad touch, lust, love etc.
Children are naturally curious about their bodies and other people’s. By answering any questions they ask, you can help them understand their bodies, their feelings and other people’s feelings. This is a good basis for open and honest communication about sex and relationships, growing up and going through puberty. Talking to children about sex won’t make them go out and do it. Research shows that children whose parents talk about sex openly start having sex at a later stage and are more likely to use contraception.
How much to tell them depends on your child. If they seem happy with your answer and don’t ask a follow-up question, you’ve probably given them enough information. If they ask another question, then go on. You don’t have to go into detail. A simple answer might be enough. Work out exactly what your child wants to know. I was once asked by my daughter, “Where do babies come from?” I said “Babies grow in a woman’s tummy, and when they’re ready they come out into the world”. That was enough back then. But I will need a more mature explanation in the next four years.
Children need to know that it’s OK to talk about sex and relationships, and that you’re happy to talk about it. They’ll learn this through your tone and manner when you talk about sex, so try to treat sex as a normal, everyday subject.
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