The typical Ugandan Christmas

Church is too full. Christmas is one of those days that everyone goes  to church though most people in the church last attended a service last Christmas. There are more people sitted outside the church than those inside. Most people are there to make an appearance rather than pray. Many have bloodshot eyes from last night’s partying. When singing, they mumble the only few words they know like Alleluia because they don’t remember the hymns.

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Kampala people take the front rows in the village churches. We are all equal before God, but not in village      churches as the Kampala people take  the front row seats. The priest wants them where he can see them when the time to fundraise for the church’s development project comes. Only problem is that they will be fundraising for the same church windows they have fundraised for over the past eight Christmases.

Receiving the same Christmas message from 30 whatsapp contacts! Ugandans are just not original. Someone receives one of those Christmas messages and forwards the damn thing to everyone in his inbox. Those who receive it also hit the forward button and you end up with people sending you the same Christmas meme  that you are also sending.

Recycling last year’s Christmas jokes. There are lots of Christmas jokes and memes that are circulating on whatsapp. Funny thing is that everyone saw that stuff last year and we are sending them again this year. Like that big saucepan of food and the cock wrapped in banana leaves. Then there is that one of a woman carrying her chicken on her back like a baby so that the neighbours don’t steal it. Yet they were again resent last year after having received them the previous year. Then we blame our comedians for recycling jokes.

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A time to eat: Christmas is that time of the year to eat with reckless abandon. You can’t coubt the number of cows, hens and goats that have lost their lives in the name of celebrating Christmas. Christmas is one of those days that you will have matooke, rice, sweet potatoes, irish potatoes, yams, pumpkins, posho, kalo, beans, groundnuts, peas, chicken, goat, beef and fish all heaped on one plate that ends up rivaling Mountain Rwenzori. Little wonder the whole country is sent to sleep at 4pm because as the after effect of a heavy lunch.

matooke xmas

Same musicians everywhere. If you want to watch your favourite musician on christmas day, any kafunda will do. Just listen to the ads of concerts on radio. You will here Radio and Weasel being advertised by more than 20 bars as performers on Christmas day. Some are in Mbale, others in Arua and others Mbarara yet they are also advertised in a plethora of Kampala bars. Oba how do they do it?

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