1. The guy who is always updating photos of “fabulous” self on Instagram and Facebook: Girls love attention and this one here is an attention whore. He will whine if you don’t notice that he is wearing cool shoes? Who is the girl in the relationship? And if he is pouting his lips in that duck face style, run for your sex life, brother could be gay.
2. The flirt: You must all have been in a shop and there are so many nice pairs of shoes you can’t make up your mind on which one to choose. If you had all the money in the world, you would probably buy the whole store. Well, that’s a flirt for you. He will never make up his mind to settle with you because there are so many fish in the pond. He is always checking out the other girls in your presence and sending out flattering comments to them. Even if you get hitched, he will always consider himself married but available.
3. Married But Available (MBA): If you thought MBA only referred to Master of Business administration, then think again. There is another group of MBAs and they didn’t get their MBA from MUBS. These are guys who proudly show off their wedding ring because there are lots of girls who find guys with rings irresistible. One reason is because everyone knows you are in it for fun. Unfortunately, the clock is ticking for you sister and to make matters worse, you might find yourself as wife number two and he rents for you some Muzigo in Bukoto. Your dreams of wearing that wedding gown get shattered like that and you take on the title of home wrecker.
4. If he raises a finger on you, just run: We are in the 21st century but there are still guys who believe that the only way to show a woman that you love her is to beat her. You are not a drum my sister, just run in case he shows any signs of violence.
5. It’s about the money Mr: This one thinks the world revolves around his wallet. Not every rich guy is in this category, but then there are those who think their money is everything. Argue with him and instead of apologising he buys you an iPhone. I know you think that’s cool, but he probably buys his iPhones in pairs, one for you and another for Sheila. He is not afraid to splash his cash on you. My sister, enjoy it while it lasts, but to this guy you are just another commodity that he purchased with his money, after all that Brazilian weave, the fake eyelashes, the acrylic nails and that dress you are wearing were all purchased using his money. He will have no respect for you and can change you just like he changes his cars.
6. The busy guy: He is always up to something other than you. It could be work, travelling, watching soccer with the boys etc. That’s a sign that he is not into you. If he likes you like Kenny Lattimore sings, he is Never Too Busy for You.
7. Good for nothing fellow with no ambition: Ask this guy about his plans and they will all about be where to hang out on Friday night. He doesn’t even know about Saturday, because someone else has to give him the plot! To make matters worse, he has to wait for his friend to pick him up because he has no ride. When they don’t pick him up, you guys have to share the same boda boda. His friend is the one who always settles your bill. His only contribution is the stories he tells. He doesn’t have a job, has no plans of getting a job, you don’t know about his academic background, he has no business or business plan, generally he is just there. Hook up with this bum and you are on your way to becoming the bread winner of the family.
8. The gambler: A close relative of the good for nothing fellow is the gambler. We are in the era of sports betting and everyone from boda boda men to high flying corporates place their bets on soccer games hoping to make giant killings. Betting is a disease that eats away at their money, their brains and attention slowly but surely. Some of them have staked properties like houses and cars only to lose them because Manchester United lost to MK Dons! If you go out on a date and he is busy ticking his betting tickets, run for your life. Don’t bet on this one because the only thing on his mind is that jackpot that will never come.
9. Mysterious guy: This one, you generally don’t understand him. He doesn’t tell you where he works or what he does, you are not even sure of his name and he turns up in a different car every time you meet. He even calls you on a different number every time. My sister, you might think he is a security agent but he might be a mufele, putting up an act until you get hitched and his true colours are revealed. Didn’t you hear of the story of the “manager” who turned out to be a boda boda rider after the couple got married?
10. The uncouth fellow with no manners: You are basically up for embarrassment every time you are with this guy. He is the one who spits in public, scratches his testicles, picks his nose and abuses everyone who crosses paths with him. He is usually vulgar. He is almost knocks down a boda boda man and he yells “laba embuzi”. The waiter delays by a minute and throws a vulgar word at her. The bill comes and he looks at it like you have bought the entire restaurant. Nothing pleases him and you probably don’t either.