Today, the world commemorates World Aids day at a time when everything is going online—including sex! With the advent of social media, people are having casual sex more than ever before! Casual sex or hookups or uncommitted sexual encounters, are becoming progressively more engrained in the Kampala city lifestyle. Despite the “sparks of love” during the chats, exchanging kissing emojis and heart and flower emoticons, these encounters often transpire without any promise of, or desire for, a more traditional romantic relationship. After the sexual encounters, they walk separate ways. It’s a culture that has been embraced by people regardless of age, race, social class, faith, ethnicity or sexual orientation.
According to internetworldstats.com, as of June 30, 2016, Uganda’s Internet penetration is ranked seventh in Africa with over 11m active users accounting to 31.1% of the over 38m people. This has grown from a paltry 40,000 users in 2000. Uganda’s Facebook population stands at 2.2m. The growth of Internet use particularly social media poses a great threat to young women and men aged 15-25 who according to avert.org, had the highest increase in new HIV infections.
In 2013, 1.6m people were living with Aids in Uganda and 140,000 new cases of HIV infections were registered accounting for 7% of the world’s total increase- the third largest increase in any country.
Social sites particularly Facebook and Whatsapp have made casual sex so easy to get. The privacy of messages has made it convenient for a girl sleeping next to her man to accept the proposal of a stranger and agree to meet him the next morning and her man will never ever know.
Eric Oriek (real names withheld), a security guard says it was his “moment of arrival” after being ridiculed by peers for wasting his time buying Internet bundles without “investing it” to give him more sexual encounters. He had had no girlfriend or sex for over five years. His friends taught him the rules of the game.
“My friends would ask me what I was doing online if I was not having sex with my online friends. They laughed at me for claiming that girls in Kampala are so expensive to date. They would count the girls they have slept with and I would just feel jealous. They taught me the game,” he stated. His friends told him to shoot down the askari image he had because even those online would not love him for who he is. He opened a new Facebook account with false identity as director of a big construction company.
He says part of the image building included posting photos at fancy places, next to big cars or claiming to be at a UN workshop just to impress the girls. As a security guard, his accessibility to these places was limited due to nature of his work. He struck luck when got a job as a guard for a wealthy man. His new boss was a very busy man so he was always at his residence, most times alone with the shamba boy.
“I used my first salary to buy a good smart phone. E Kampala bagala alina (“In Kampala they love those who have something” ). To build a good image online, I would pose for photos next to my boss’ cars and at times inside and outside the house. I would upload these images on Facebook and when girls checked them out, their response would be positive. I had had no girlfriend or sex for over five years. Those who I approached would reject me because they despised my job. I was also afraid of buying prostitute but thanks to social media, I slept with girls I could have never even touched!” he proudly narrated his conquest.
After getting is salary, he would invite the girls to visit him since his boss was away. They never realized this. Whenever the cat (my boss) was away, the mice would play.
“It is so easy to get those girls. What I do is simple. I just send multiple messages to several females and one who accepts is the catch. The messages I send are all about confessions of my affection for them. Some girls are easily moved but others are not,” he confessed.
He says, he would call it quits after sex or block the girl on Facebook. Those who asked him for money days after the encounter too would be blocked.
Of course, they are some who will not simply walk out because they are either nursing broken hearts, inexperienced, wanting to settle down or in love!
Dennis Wandege a customer care assistant at a telecom company says some girls are willing to settle down. Those “with good traits” are kept in “rotation” as weekend wives. They might be students or working ladies. They spend Fridays with the man then resume work or school on Mondays. They do everything expected of a wife; keeping the house, cooking food and of course sex. The man is expected to meet her bills. During weekdays, the man hosts other girls.
“Some do get pregnant and are later disappointed by the men they ended up with. A case in a point a girl who thought she was dating a loaded car importer yet the man was a welder,” he said.
Wild sex orgies
Unlike Oriek, some men don’t need to feign identity; they are simply asking women out, some are married! Daniel Owembabazi, a graphic designer says he simply sends messages to random girls asking for sex and those who accept, he does not hesitate. However, it is not only men doing in the hunt for women to sleep with, even girls are asking men out!
“Yes some girls have inboxed me for sex. They leave their whatsapp number in my inbox and the game starts. We sex-chat, and share nudes before meeting to fulfill the fantasies. At times, it takes a day or week or even months. It depends on the willingness of the girl or what you are promising her,” a social media savvy MUBS student who preferred anonymity revealed. He claims it is all about adventure.
“When meeting these girls for the first time, I set the rules and try out any sexual experience that my friends on social media talk about. Whether unprotected sex, anal, ‘going down low’, ‘getting head’ or ‘eating booty like groceries’, the girl you are sleeping with for the first time can’t judge you, unlike a girlfriend,” he revealed.
Susan Kyalimpa (not real name), a hair dresser says her life was wretched when her longtime boyfriend broke up with her for absolutely no reason. She went on a rampage and slept with whoever hit on her.
“I have now slept with very many men. I am worse than Bad Black! I have a man in his 50s and even my boss’ husband! He is soon opening for me a hair salon. My current boyfriend thinks I am just a hardworking woman but the truth is I longer have love. I lost love! l keep him because whenever I want sex, he is available.” she revealed.
Now secretly living positively, Kyalimpa says it so easy to walk out of these “relationships” because there is no bond in the first place. “It is so easy to walk out of these relationships because there is no emotional attachment. After sex, you just pretend like you have never met and life continues. I don’t feel the hurt like I did when my boyfriend chucked me. He ruined my life but now I am a free bird. You want me? ” she teased. She also revealed most men she has slept with don’t care about HIV status. They don’t even bother to test or ask. She further revealed that she has slept with a top politician and pastor through Facebook!
“Thirst traps”, prostitutes dens and pimps playgrounds
Kyalimpa revealed that she uses her Facebook to post raunchy, sexually suggestive photos. A visit on Facebook photo album revealed loads of semi-nude photos, some in bathrooms, knickers or taking a bath. She posts about how she wants men to satisfy her. Despite the harsh comments and praises she gets online, she revealed that it takes the “right message” in her inbox to strike a deal.
“There are those who are serious and will send you the right message. From there, we strike a deal. He gets the sex, I get paid. I don’t worry about pregnancy because I got contraceptives. I am already on ARV therapy so if a man wants me, it is up to him to face the consequences. I don’t force anyone to beg me for sex,” she confessed. She further revealed that some people take advantage of the phone contacts in their Facebook profiles and make calls. She described them as serious guys who know what they want. Some pimps have started Facebook pages that act as middle men for people like Kyalimpa. They charge a “connection fee”.
Nkuba kyeyos hunting for Christmas mates
As you are all aware it is the time of the year when Nkuba kyeyo fellas return to the country to spend the festive season. For starters Nkuba Nkeyo is that proverbial menial worker cleaning foreign streets after leaving Uganda. Yes it is a gleefully grossly generalised, unfair, abusive and demeaning term thanks to the Ugandan disdain towards blue-collar work. However that’s a topic for another day. Nkuba kyeyo guys don’t only return with new accents and foreign currencies but also an aggressively wild partying lifestyle punctuated by sex scandals and lavish splashing of money.
Thanks to social media platforms especially Facebook and Whatsapp, these guys are secretly hitting private deals with unknown girls and men some of whom might be your lovers! They ask the Facebook user to promise them sex when they return to country. In exchange, they promise gifts like gadgets, holiday gateways, and jobs abroad. However, their conditions include sharing photos of sex organs.
As we commemorate World Aids Day, social media is not helping matters to curb casual sex, one of the fastest ways to get infected.